suicidal.

Imagine dreading every step you take....

every leaf on the trees

every time you blink

every time you breathe...?

these past days I've written a series of 8 suicide notes..

none of them are perfect or what I want them to be...

these past days suicide has been all up in my face, the people around me talking about it. on the table. in classes!!!! my mind is just full of it, every single time I'm vacant,,,,,, I want it to stop. sometimes I feel to weak to continue holding on, but I have to continue smiling and laughing and getting my mind off suicide my spitting rubbish out of my mouth. sometimes I cant cope, I cry silently,, no one really knows unless they're right there. no one really pays attention, people only care when they see you're in pain at that exact moment.

I have to say my biggest helps have been Tøp and my stainless steel buddy. I dont show people my cuts anymore.. I just keep quiet about them.... (no one really knows how to help anyways.)

You think twice about your life, it probably happens at night, right? Fight it. Take the pain, ignite it. Tie a noose around your mind, loosen up to breathe fine, and tie it to a tree. Tell it 'you belong to me.' This ain't a noose, this is a leash, and I have news for you; you must obey me

~Tøp, Holding onto you

well I guess that's all I have to say....